By Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton, American Management Association, 1996, 0-8144-7723-2 This pop-psych book is pretty good if you haven’t read much pop-psych. It provides a cognitive approach (like others) about respecting others’ styles to get the most out your relationships.
[p66] Style flex involves tailoring your behavior so that your work fits better with the other person’s style. Flexing your behaviors is like a professional baseball player electing to swing differently at a fastball, a slider, and a curve.
[p68] People sometimes get the idea that style flex involves giving in to the other person’s opinions or agreeing with their ideas. Nothing could be further from the truth. Style flex is a way of adapting to another person’s process; it is not about conforming to his or her point of view. It is about relating constructively while appropriately disclosing your perspective on things as well as listening emphatically to others. The better the interpersonal process, the more likely that people accurately hear each other and creatively resolve conflicting opinions.
[p72] When a relationship isn’t going well, don’t do more of the same; try something different.